Being held in your arms
by FHB
Summary: All she ever wanted was for that special somebody to stay with her...forever in her innocent mind. As lips of darkness consume her, she loses...and faces WHAT?


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Being held in your arms…

~Fhb~

Pg. 13

Syn: All she ever wanted was that special somebody, that somebody she knew was her best friend in which the world took away from her…now she's on bitter terms with her ties to life

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In loving memory of one of my great friends whose loosing her mom. I hope I can make you feel happy once again…

To you Lisa…~'*'~

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Your face haunts, the wands of splattered dreams dives into full bloom…the birth of the living-dead is upon the soul of this taunted virgin…

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Quoted: Female Hitokiri Battousai

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I watched him walk pass the many girls, their heckling and admiration embossing the shadow he tried to meddle within. I looked on never turning my face away from yours, could you feel me echoing I loved you in my arms? 

I licked my lips and tasted the sin of being unpopular. Steadying my heart into correct direction, I stood and walked away, my back to those who saw both my happiness and fault. I was as default normal in this world, born to live and soon die…

I placed my hands within my pockets, idly watching my school with eyes of lethargic interest. I sighed remembering the news which became affirmed to the bounds of sadness. I cast a reverent gaze at the floor, knowing that the heavens were now not my home, but that my mother was fortress which made me strong, which held me as one perfect picture, not sporadic as an enigmatic puzzle.

Placing a hand under my eyes I wiped the dampness. I didn't want to cry. Mom said to be strong, after all, if I did cry, I wouldn't be her heroine. Yet I huddled myself, feeling exceptionally cold, a pinching feeling of tears prickling to come down. She hadn't see me cry…and I guess I didn't have reason to cry, when she was always there, but now life seems as one huge fallacy corrupted by the inevitable--death. I sighed wishing you knew instead, you my always…my heroine…

Could you not see how I longed to be the woman you were…could not see the fault within me which was like the sediment on the bottom of a river, which accumulated and bounded in thick residue of my heavy heart? Must every time I learn to find refuge in good practicalities I must earn a bitter advice or tale with it? Must sanity be something so foreign to me? Must life mean living without you?

I walked into the grey corners of the school, sliding down the walls thinking of you. I place my hand into the earth feeling the coldness, knowing I could have no other means but dying with you. I placed my hands over my face and tried to block the sound and agility of life, I tried to picture life without you, and it seem as if my dreams were no longer colorful but the wand of colorful dreams was splattered and flung out the door, from the weight and torture of your soon-to-come death.

I heard the bells sharp sound roam the air, I sighed again. I watched out into the courtyard, feeling my soul very heavy from this empathy. Drunk from my sadness, I looked at the flowers fall from the trees inhaling nothing but the stench of hatred for life. We once watched the flowers admiring how the fell and adorn the floors in pink, now I'm numb from watching life so grey.

I began walking up the stairs, my eyes finding new attention on the floor. I traced your face from the grain in the wood and for a bittersweet moment, I smiled. Entering my class, I looked on at the teacher, my ears on his speech, but my heart lost to you. My ears suddenly were not on him but blocking out his words, I heard nothing but you calling my name, your pleasant face haunting my soul, mocking the sanity which lived within me.

Minutes went by, and I still raced my pen across the paper, hoping to accomplish an ambition which was made possible because of you. The teacher said his farewells and so did I. Pulling my hand away from my work, I saw I drew you, my wonder and my fears…

I touched the wonderful contour of your aged cheek, though it was paper, my eyes gave me the sight of an imagineer, I inhaled your black and white face, and soon from this illusionist brain of mine it suddenly was not dim with no colour, but full of colours which made you my rainbow and everything…

"Hey Kaoru" someone called, I turned around and my eyes settled on you. I tried to look curious, yet I guess I could not hide this maelstrom of aching pain. 

"Yes?" I answered sweetly, as normal

"…Why are you so sad girl?" asked one of my good friends, by name, Misao…

I looked at her, wondering should I disclose or should I keep this info. I saw her worry and knew she would eventually see me shatter, so I would at least give her hint…

"It's my mom…" I paused, fining a thick-dry power to build heryour name, "she's coming back" 

"Nice to here raccoon!~~ Aren't you suppose to be happy you moron?" asked the pompous girl known as Megumi…

I felt hurt and torn, her words were an odd combination, I looked at them both, a wait and inquiring tension thickening in the air. I sighed, "don't you get it,---they can't do anything for her anymore" I got to my hells and walked away. I tried so hard to tell myself that I'm strong, but though you're still alive and breathing, I feel so alone and that the world is no longer mine to venture, but prefer mine to run from…never again to show my face. My accursed soul…

I saw Misao's eyes were suddenly enlarged and I wish I hadn't tell her. The pain which I felt for you was now giving the birth of negativity a home in my heart. This pain was so very real and there was too much for that time could not heal or erase…

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And I give up to touch you, coz I know you feel me someone, you're the closest to heaven and I don't wanna leave you when you hurt. All I can feel is your warmth and I don't wanna see your cry…not one bead of transparent pain…no…never on your pretty face…

You took me as a pretty boy and never gave me speech to say I wasn't. I wasn't Tomoe's, I wasn't Megumi's, I wasn't any of those girls one, but yours, always yours, living and breathing and hurting you did not see I wanted you. But how could you see me when I'm so zero to you. I'd wait a life-time if I were immortal to just wait for you to say you'd be mine. But as dense and cruel life is, I can't live forever, but I could be yours as long as I am in high school. A little birdie told me your mom was passing away, I suddenly felt as if the puzzle to our uncertainty was understood and that it was not you, yourself who hindered from me, but the sadness which lured your soul hinder your actions and speech from me. I'll accept you still. 

I watched you laugh around your small group, and I knew you hide the sadness and lies beneath. I knew you hide them and hid them well. You pretended to be in a world, you yourself thought you did not exist in. You succumbed yourself to your mortal lies that you did away with the old and came with the burning and torturing new of living life goth. Could I save you? Could I build with you when you hold your head down and do not watch me for who I scream so outwardly to be?

Am I so far from you? The world doesn't have to see me my little one, but I just want you, and only you to know who I am. I want you to be with me. Let rivers run black or red, whatever shades, but let me be with you, to just hold you and save you from such pain and torture. Your once bedazzling sapphire eyes now saturated new ambitions, one in which was falsified to me, but completely acceptable to the harsh ignorance of life… 

When everything is meant to be torn, and burned, would you stand with me?

Would you breathe and say I live for another?

Would you open your eyes and see the truth which scream right back at you?

Would you deny the inevitable of love, and say with lips of false eloquence I am not yours?

Would you lie to yourself and façade your life forever?

Where is your sanity and morality now? Do you not breath in this world you think you have disappeared from?

Let me save you…please

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The days went by and I counted my mom's last days, I waited and waited. She could not move yet heart and lovely speech made me at her side. Our wild days were now rinsed in departure and our souls ready to say…

"Good-bye Kao" she whispered…her eyes of tears and her world soft with eternal velvety blackness…

I screamed at her side…but she never would react. Never…~

I swallowed the truth and the gruesome pain for you…

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"And now we give you our proud valedictorian…" spoke my form teacher and with that an assembly of parents and students were there.

I sighed feeling the world grey still. I got to my feet and waited patiently for you to shout my name and say, 'that's my baby'…it never came. Pictures flashed across the room and I never knew what it meant to be in those pictures when I was too far from life. I stood next to the podium and placed nothing on the easel. I looked at the crowd, never seeing your face, I waited…but it was too late…

"Thank you. I was chosen as valedictorian, when clearly I find myself not qualified any longer for the position. To my fellow students, just a reminder…life is tough.----we go through lots of things…things which makes us cry--and those which makes us give-up. But just remember, when you feel alone, you always got your mom…or your dad. Just remember that…" I could not speak knowing you were not looking on. On with dad or anyone…

I looked at the ceiling and tears had surface. Silent chatter raced across the room, "I would like to say, for those of you who got parents and abuse them because they supply for you, don't think like that. They love you…a lot. Some kids don't got any parents and they feel real bad. If you don't know what it means to loose them, then don't try loosing them when they're alive. If you do, you're worst than selfish…some kids who lost their parents wished their mom's or dad's could be looking on, on days such as these… as I wish my mom…were here" I trailed off into a whisper…

I walked out the auditorium and away from everyone. I wanted to run and cry…to never return from this…

I heard the door open and I tried to be still and strong for whoever it was..

"Miss Kaoru" I heard his voice…

"Yes?" came a breaking voice…

"Are you okay?" he asked voice full of worry…

"Do I look okay?" I turned to him my words dense with pain…

"No…" he whispered…

I sought to leave him but he held me back, I turn to meet his eyes and I saw care and help for the first time. I was more than baffled.

"Let me help you" he volunteered…

I nodded no but he placed a firm grip on both my arms and shook me, "Kaoru look at me…you're killing yourself" he spoke firmly…

"What do you care?" I whispered my tears lacing down my face…

"I can't believe you Kaoru" you let me go and looked angrily into my eyes, "look at you, your mom left you---yes, but she wanted the best for you, instead you corrupt yourself by the sadness which she didn't want you to be selfish to accept, but you did, didn't you?" he rectified

"You know nothing of me…you never would" I whispered…

"Oh? I know I liked you…wasn't that good enough?" he tossed…

I froze, my eyes large… "yes Kaoru I liked you, since day one…don't walk away from me. Today I'm finally graduating and I don't wanna see you sad. Let me please help you please" he offered…

I cried, and he wrapped his arms around him…

For the first time after so long I cried…I cried again. I cried in his arms, how I longed to be in his arms but it felt wrong, yet everything else in my life felt wrong…I tightened my huge on him and cried…

"Oh Kenshin" I whispered…

"Shh Kaoru…shh" he tried to console…

After so long, I found a kindness. The spark of light was so small, it was nearly close to none, but suddenly I felt a fire burning alive and I was given life to breathe again. My world which was fabricated in grey and black, was now full of zealous colours. I looked at his face and saw my new life…my life with him

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[7 years passed]

So long and time still hasn't healed the wound on me. But I remain happy still for I have a husband and a my new born baby as a symbol of our love. 

I didn't want to breath once in this world…but it was him who brought me to life, after being held in his arms…which seem for all of an eternity… "for all an eternity…" I whispered under the flowers which fell from the trees… 

Owari…

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Background information.

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Lisa is currently one of the smartest girls in my class or the smartest and she's been a real good friend to me, that I think she sees me as her best friend--or as one of them. Part of this story is correct well the next was not…

Lisa mom has chemo and it's true, the American's can't save her…

Please I would ask you as friends…

To:

Please pray for her and her mom, this is a critical moment in a teen's life…

In loving Memory to Lisa's Mom…

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Please donate words of consolation.


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